RaW Sisterhood

Okay so today Indy and I went to RaW at Church today it was awesome! I mean besides the fact that I live with one of the only males who can stay a whole RaW meeting (Indy). It was wonderful. Full of acceptance I learned so much. It was great. We made beanbag frogs, we talked, we laughed, we prayed, we learned. It was more then I could have hoped for. More then I could of dreamed. God was in that church today with that group of girls. I felt Him as I sat there first a little bit apart kind of afraid and nervous and then as I sat with the group part of it my difference not mattering.

Well I have to go we have company coming for dinner.

Chloe and Indy

Faking It

I've been asked why I feel the need in certain situations to "fake it". Others on the spectrum call it "passing". It means to be someone else - to try and stop being autistic for a time. To "fake" being normal. In my case, it stems from when I was in school. I was bullied - not only by the children but, by teachers who didn't notice when I was being mistreated by the other children. Or by children and teachers who said things to purposely upset me. So I learned to blend in. To hide my differences while at school or around most others. At that time the phrase "normal people scare me" was very true. When I got home I'd be on over load because it's hard trying to be someone else.

"Faking it" is a habit - it shouldn't have to be. I shouldn't - indeed no one - should have to try and be something they're not, to be accepted by society. I'm slowly turning off that learned habit of faking it. It means I'm stimming more. I read the books I like more, instead of the ones I think someone my age should be reading. I've stopped trying to hide the fact that I like cartoons so much. And I've learned that my parents will love me whether I operate on the level of a nineteen year old or a nine year old. As will the rest of my family. I'm learning that it's okay to be open about my disability.(Going out with Indy is like wearing a neon sign "disability over here".)

I wonder sometimes, what is so wrong with the way God made me and others like me, that society felt the need to first hide us away and now try and make us come out like cookie cutters? I've been told time and time again He doesn't make mistakes. If He doesn't make mistakes then why do some seem to think we need to be fixed?

Yes I am now nineteen and I prefer to watch Winnie the pooh, Roy Rogers, Murder She Wrote, Scooby-Doo, most classic Disney movies and many classic cartoons as well as the westerns my father exposed me to when I was small. I prefer them because there is little to no violence, little cussing, and few social situations that I can't understand or that make me uncomfortable. That's hard to find in current TV. My current reading material has few adult books, some picture books and many children's chapter books. For some of the same reasoning as my viewing choices. My favorite activities include: coloring, playing with moon sand, and doing the same puzzle over again. This does not make me any less a person then someone my age, who is in college and able to take full response ability for themselves.

I apologise for the rant but, maybe someone not familiar with the "A club" will see this and understand. The rant has been building for awhile.

Chloe and Indy

What a wonderful weekend

Well we had a busy weekend. On Saturday I officially became one year older and was surprised to see that Indy and Sissi cooperated long enough to give me a card and a travel desk. And I even got to speak to all my favorite people! I couldn't ask for more.

On Sunday we went to church for the first time in a year. It was Indy's first time at church and a new church for mom and I. And it was wonderful. Indy behaved, the people were welcoming, the sermon though long was understandable and not scary like our last church. I can't wait to go back!

Chloe and Indy

Horses

Indy doesn't like them. At least he doesn't like them near me. On Monday Dad and I went to the therapeutic riding stable where I take lessons, it's also where I hope to volunteer cleaning tack. Unfortunately Mister Overprotective didn't take me getting near the horses well. He didn't mind me cleaning the tack for all he found it boring but the horses he didn't like and bark at. This doesn't bode well for independent volunteering or going to day camp there next summer.

On the bright side of life he's handling the Handi bus well and even went up and down in the ramp a few weeks ago. I'm also thinking he's just the ticket to convince mom and dad I don't need anything for my birthday on Saturday Indy was my present he just came earlier then I expected and I'm not complaining.

Chloe and Indy

Mister Overprotective goes to work

Well Indy and I had our first real solo visit to the library on Tuesday Dad dropped us off. We wander around for awhile then a gentleman approached and asked if he could pet Indy. I put Indy in a down stay under my walker and told the gentleman that no he couldn't pet my dog he was working. The gentleman asked a few questions and makes some comments. One about Indy being protective. I look down and my sweet gentle loves everyone super dog is glaring at the man! Then sort of embarrassing now funny. Indy got a lecture about how every stranger who talks to us isn't bad. Who would have thought I'd be giving that lecture.

Chloe and Indy

I Wonder....

What goes through Indy's mind? When he's helping me, or when it's playtime. What does he think? How does he decide when to be protective and when to let me be? How does he always seem to know? Is it instinct?

Indy's amazing he knows when I need him he does things that we never even dreamed of. like sleeping by my legs to keep them from curling up at night so when I wake up I'm not in as much pain. He seems to just know when I need him to lay on me to weigh me down how does he do it?

I wonder will Saturday go alright my little cousin who's just five will be coming over to spend a couple hours and to meet him of course. But I've got to worry it's who I am a worry wort

I wonder will we go to church on Sunday? If we do how will Indy handle it it'd be his first time. Will he try to sing along or will he pull his mister over protective act?

I wonder if Indy's trainer will ever understand how thankful I am. She's given me somthing that for along time I only dreamt about.

Indy's not just a dog he's my guardian angel, my best friend, my teddy bear, my constant companion, my parents peace of mind. He's one third of my everything indeed somedays he is everything to me.

Chloe and Indy

what do you want to do?

What do you want to be when you grow up? A question that every child is asked at multiple points in their lives. I was asked a similar version of this question yesterday. What do you want to do with your life? Quite the question to ask a person who spends her days playing with her dog, coloring, watching cartoons and playing with moon sand. Always before I've said I want to help people but I never really knew how. Now though things are different. Now I have Indy. My answer to that question I want to volunteer at the stable where I ride, I want to take Indy to be a therapy dog at the children's ward at the hospital eventually and most of all I want to help make it so that what I went through as a child in school with an undiagnosed disability doesn't happen to others.

I have two young nephews and a niece and I don't want them to go through what I did the bullying, the fear, the trouble from grown ups who are supposed to make it better but think your just being difficult. I don't know how yet but I want to make a difference to kids like me. That's what I want to do when I grow up.

Chloe and Indy