I'll Miss him

So long time no write my apologies. It has been a really long week.

On Friday my uncle A died. He was only in his seventies but he wasn't well.

So we packed up two days before my birthday to go to Claresholm to help my aunt out. Let me just say next time we have a road trip that is about thirteen hours each way I am getting a Chloe sitter and Indy and I will stay home.


I don't really know what to tell you. Losing uncle A is rough. Some of you may know I call my great grandmother every week. He got the same treatment I would call all the time if I had a good day we would celebrate if I had a bad day no one could cheer me up like he could. Walking into that house and seeing his empty recliner is one of the hardest things Ive ever done. But sitting in that chair that still smelled like him was like being in his arms when I was knee high to a grasshopper. When I was little I'd sit on his lap and he'd tell me stories.

Uncle A I will miss you oh so much!

Chloe and Indy

ahead or behind

When I was younger in elementary school I was sure that I was ahead of my peers I didn't play and I had no interest in petty classroom dramas . It is only looking back that I realise that I was the one who was and is behind. I didn't play their games because I didn't know how. I hadn't learned how to play like the other children. I had no interest in their dramas because I didn't understand them.

Now I'm still behind only I'm not just behind my neurotypical peers I'm behind others like me. They get out. They have jobs and go to programming. I stay home do a few chores and the rest of my day is filled with childlike joys. how silly is it that at nearly twenty I've just learned how to play? That all I've asked for for my upcoming birthday is a doll.

I dream of having a "grown up life" of being a homemaker and a helpmeet. Of holding down a job and helping people. I don't see it happening though. Like others in my situation I ask who but God could want me? It seems impossible. I'm afraid of sleeping over at a friends house let alone moving away from home and becoming independent or having a "grown up life"

Sincerely
Chloe and Indy