Thanks and Regrets

As many know Canadian Thanksgiving has just past. It's gotten me thinking. Thinking about what I am thankful for and about what I Regret.
I'm thankful:
For my parents who love me and do all they can for me despite my faults
For Indy who almost never gets mad and never gives up on me as long as I have treats!
For A warm place to stay and food to eat
For A sister who is always only a phone call away and takes me at my best and my worst
For my new doll I didn't think mama and daddy would do it but surpise surpise as they say mama and daddy know best.
For being able to see Uncle A one last time before he went Home to Heaven

I regret:
Not taking a picture with Uncle A when I saw him last
Being diagnosed late [an early diagnoses means so much with autism]
The whole public school experiance [you couldn't pay me to step foot in one of those again]
Not being a better person[ I wish I wasn't such a burden to my family]

Have a good night folks

Chloe and Indy

I'll Miss him

So long time no write my apologies. It has been a really long week.

On Friday my uncle A died. He was only in his seventies but he wasn't well.

So we packed up two days before my birthday to go to Claresholm to help my aunt out. Let me just say next time we have a road trip that is about thirteen hours each way I am getting a Chloe sitter and Indy and I will stay home.


I don't really know what to tell you. Losing uncle A is rough. Some of you may know I call my great grandmother every week. He got the same treatment I would call all the time if I had a good day we would celebrate if I had a bad day no one could cheer me up like he could. Walking into that house and seeing his empty recliner is one of the hardest things Ive ever done. But sitting in that chair that still smelled like him was like being in his arms when I was knee high to a grasshopper. When I was little I'd sit on his lap and he'd tell me stories.

Uncle A I will miss you oh so much!

Chloe and Indy

ahead or behind

When I was younger in elementary school I was sure that I was ahead of my peers I didn't play and I had no interest in petty classroom dramas . It is only looking back that I realise that I was the one who was and is behind. I didn't play their games because I didn't know how. I hadn't learned how to play like the other children. I had no interest in their dramas because I didn't understand them.

Now I'm still behind only I'm not just behind my neurotypical peers I'm behind others like me. They get out. They have jobs and go to programming. I stay home do a few chores and the rest of my day is filled with childlike joys. how silly is it that at nearly twenty I've just learned how to play? That all I've asked for for my upcoming birthday is a doll.

I dream of having a "grown up life" of being a homemaker and a helpmeet. Of holding down a job and helping people. I don't see it happening though. Like others in my situation I ask who but God could want me? It seems impossible. I'm afraid of sleeping over at a friends house let alone moving away from home and becoming independent or having a "grown up life"

Sincerely
Chloe and Indy

He's Really Opening Doors

When Indy came home his trainer taught him how to open my bedroom door. He couldn't open it though unless it wasn't properly closed. So today I finally fixed it. I filled the hole for the bolt with sticky tack. and now he can open the door. He's so enthusiastic about it.

Chloe And Indy

Flashback

I'm living in a flashback. This is the summer I was 16 all over again only with out the hospital stay. My limbs are rebelling on my and I despise it! the majority of my joints hurt my knees are swelled up along with my hands swelling sometimes and the joints in my fingers aching. I can live with out my legs. I'm not saying I want to but if I had to I could happily live without use of my legs. But my hands are everything. With them I knit I type I play with Indy I color I do my puzzles and play with my Lego and I sort my beads. without my hands I have nothing, nothing to make me a valuable member of society or to help my parents.

I know it sounds like I'm getting ahead of myself but it is REALLY scary when your body rebels and your limbs won't listen. It's not only hard on me but hard on mom and daddy. What parent wants to see their child no matter how old in pain?

The hardest part for me is that we have no clue why this is happening. I've been tested for so many things so many times, it's just so frustrating. what a way to end my nineteenth year eh?

Chloe and Indy

A whole year.

Wow I can't believe it. Yesterday was the first of august and you know what that means. Indy and I have been together for a whole year. wow the time flies. A whole year. He's older I'm older mom and dad are older. but we're all wiser I hope.

I'm Different then I was this time last year. I'm more confident and I have faith. I have faith in Indy to do and be what I need and I have faith in me. And I as ever have faith in The One Who Watches Over Us All.

I've done more with Indy's help then I've ever dreamed of. And the dreams only get bigger.

Chloe and Indy

We're Heeere

Well we did get to have breakfast with Aunt K Grandma B and Grandpa D yesterday which was good. Grandma B and Grandpa D haven't seen me since before I hit double digits. I'm always surprised when I see people I haven't seen for years I always expect to look the same, but of course they don't.

Then about 4 hours into our drive we stopped to visit with Auntie M and my favorite Uncle A, then it was another 2 hour drive till we got here.

We checked into our hotel and had KFC for dinner then mama went to see Grandfather and smooth things over with the hospital about Indy coming with me.

Grandfather is on a C-Pap machine all the time now along with extra oxygen. He's also really weak still But that is what we expected I suppose. I'd better go get ready we're gonna go run a couple errands for him I think and then Go visit Grandfather.

Chloe and Indy

On the road again

Can't wait to get on the road again. The guy who wrote that song must have been nuts. Wait a minute I forgot that he was going places that he'd never been, maybe it's different when you do that. because when you drive down the same stretch of highway that you've been down dozens of times before most of them for the similar reason of a family crisis, the scenery gets kind of boring her a tree there a tree here another tree, here a field of canola there a field of canola here another field of canola. Every now and then broken up by a bridge a hill or a river.

Last night we stopped in a city for the night about 7 driving hours to our goal, we have 5 hours of driving left today. But it's not all bad news last night I got to see my Aunt K who I haven't seen in years(she's my mama's best friend from childhood. they've known each other since they were 12 can you believe it?) And I also got to see miss J who went and worked with me at camp and worked about 4 summers with me. our inside joke is that she's known me since I couldn't walk.

Today we MAY have breakfast with Aunt K, Grandma B, and Grandpa D if they are still in town.
Then we'll drive our 5 hours and hope to get to where we're going before visiting hours are over at the hospital. We talked to my Grandfathers wife yesterday and he's out of ICU but he's stuck on bed rest and very weak. To tell the truth I'm not sure that he's going to make it.

Then tomorrow I'll get to go see Grandfather and I'll also go see my great-grandmother and my uncle V both of home live in a lodge. Great-Grandma has been complaining that I never see her. we're over ten hours away but that doesn't mean much. Even though she says that I'm the only one who calls. well I've got to go get ready to go.

Chloe and Indy

In which I wish I could help

Mama got a phone call today while I was at the cancer society stuffing envelopes. Her father is in ICU. Mama may or may not have to go up to help out. When I was younger there would have been no question about weather or not I was going. I would have been going. But now that's different, now I'm able to stay home by myself. now I act more autistic then when I was younger (or do we just understand it better? but that is a post for another time) I want to go not so much to see my grandfather but to help my mother, and to see my great grandmother. But what will happen will be what is best for everybody even if it doesn't feel like it. I just wish I could help.

Chloe and Indy

Nobody's Perfect

Not you, not Mom, not Dad, certainly not me, and not even Indy. He tries so hard but he's only canine. And there is only one perfect being in the world! The one who watches over us all! But back to my original topic nobody is perfect. Though we try so hard to be. Indy tries his hardest but sometimes he can't help sniffing that shelf or looking at that new person. Or ignoring mama and daddy when they tell him to do something after all they are not his girl and therefore not tops on his priority list.

Certainly I feel like everyone is looking when he decides to show his mind in public by not listening right away. But I've learned that most people understand after all even though he is wonderful and amazing and the best thing on four legs he is still a dog and dogs don't always listen.

That's all for now folks

Chloe and Indy